Steven Seagal: Insists that his martial arts demo is legit

Seagal eats Japan

“When I’m done here I’m getting me a nice pupu platter and some borscht!”

A few weeks ago I posted a video of Steven Seagal giving a “martial arts masters class” to a group of Russian Sambo folks. A quick search of Google News reveals that some are now questioning the legitimacy of Seagal’s demonstration:

His opponents appeared to be falling without much of a fight, prompting speculation they were surrendering on purpose. But when asked if the video was legitimate by TMZ, Seagal appeared hurt by the suggestion it could be anything but.

“I’m gonna try not to be insulted man,” he said. “I’ve been doing martial arts all my life. How could it be fake?”

Explaining their perceived willingness to surrender, he added: “What happens when you are about to break someone’s arm or wrist, usually, they like to go with it so it doesn’t snap.”

Umm…yeah, Seagal-san is partially correct. In my 10 year’s of martial arts practice I’ve seen some pretty good demonstrations — this ain’t one of them! In that 10 year’s I’ve even dabbled in aikido. During my brief Indiana akido stint I saw a 5th dan about Seagal’s current age given a demo and teach a class. This guy had obviously maintained his skills, kept in shape, and as a result was wicked-fast. Despite Seagal being a 7th dan (retired), the 5th dan I saw would mop the dojo floor with Seagal.

Cut Seagal some slack? Well remember, princes, Seagal-san continues to put himself out there. He went through the phase of appearing with MMA stars and taking credit for teaching them “secret deadly techniques.” Now it would seem that he’s on a Russian tour where he’s pedaling Russian arms, singing his shitty jazz, and giving “martial arts master classes.”

Can’t take the heat? Then get off the mat!

The problems with Segal’s Russian Sambo demonstration:

  • He’s out of shape. Face it: he looks overweight and does not move like the Seagal of 10 or 20 years ago. (we’ll come back to this one)
  • He tells uke (i.e. the attacker) what part of his body to attack. Watch the video. Throughout it Segal is seen pointing to his head, arm, chest, etc. This could be due to lack of practice or perhaps due to the language barrier? (Seagal to mugger: “Okay, grab my right forearm.”)
  • Some of his aikido techniques looks rusty. One example is at 16 seconds.

I can almost sympathize with his age and the struggle to stay in shape. The older I get the harder it gets. However, I’ve also seen taekwondo and aikido masters in their 60s that would put most 30-year-olds to shame. Heck, I once participated in a seminar where an over 50 kung master/stroke survivor taught an excellent course, and still was able to scare the crap out of those in attendance.

Want to shut Bob Patterson up?

Dear Seagal-san: Here’s how you shut me up. Spend six months getting back into shape. Drop 35 pounds and hone your aikido skills. 6 months at the dojo and the gym will do it. You’re technically a millionaire so it should be easier for you than for me.  I’d very much love to see this Steven Seagal one last time:


About Bob Patterson

I'm a naughty Vampire God!
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6 Responses to Steven Seagal: Insists that his martial arts demo is legit

  1. potatoefist says:

    I was feeling jittery for a long time and I realized it was because I hadn’t seen a Lord of pasta quote in what seems to be ages. So thanks for that. Now maybe I can sleep.


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