Gym Pet Peeve #387

personal trainerI’ve been working out (not enough) at an old-school iron pit. Pretty much every gym I’ve been a part of has one or two jackasses who feel it’s their duty to tell you how to exercise.

This gym is no exception.

Jackass number 1 is named Randy. Mr. Randy is probably 60, a little over weight, but still as strong as an ox. He also occasionally trains folks though, I’m not sure if he has any credentials. Well Randy noticed that I was using the squat rack wrong. (And by squat rack I mean the kind that has the bar that is locked and running in a vertical track–not sure what the damn thing is called!) Historically I’ve always had trouble squatting with my very long legs — it plays hell on my lower back and I could never get full range of motion.

Randy had me adjust my feet forward and presto! Closer to full range without back pain! Score one for the old fat guy! Now in fairness to Randy, I think he means well. In fact, despite being a barrel, he also gave me some good advice on planking.

Jackass number 2 I met today. I have no idea what his name is and hope to never find out. Anyhow, this gym has two hip sleds and I was using one of them.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see fat guy number 2 eyeballing me. Worse still, I saw him give “proper” dumbbell press advice to some other poor schmuck. Well despite by best scowl, Fatty Arbuckles finally spoke to me:

FAB: “Hey buddy — wanna know how to get big like me?”

(Mental Bob Talk: “Ummm…eat pizzas and drink lots of beer?”)

Bob: “How’s that?”

FAB: “You need to pause 3 seconds before exploding up!”

(FAB then pulls his sweat pants up and shows me his sweaty “quads”. Seriously dude: I DON’T want to see your goddamn quads!)

Bob: “Uh, thanks but I’ve had both knees replaced — I’m lucky I can do this.”

FAB looking sheepish: “Oh sorry man — keep up the good work.”


Incidentally, ol’ Bob has NOT had both knees replaced — total lie but it did shut him down. 🙂

Moral of the story? If want your advice I’ll ask for it!


About Bob Patterson

I'm a naughty Vampire God!
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